Monday, January 30, 2012


One benefit of my new job is that I can adjust my schedule a little to fit the needs of my family.  Today I worked through my lunch so that I could get off 30 minutes early.  What a difference those 30 minutes made.  By doing so, I was able to pick up Miss O from the sitter's, get home, change my close, pick up Keaton and head over to Excel Weight Loss Solutions for family cardio and strength training class by 5:00. 

It was great.  Did some aerobic exercises.  A little weight lifting.  Ran a few laps down the hall and back and then finished up with 15 minutes of Zumba.  That was when I felt it.  That rush when the endorphins kick in.  For me it is also when the little sting to my eyes is felt and maybe my eyes will fill with tears.  It is a good thing.  It is cleansing.  Invigorating.  Physical pleasure.  I have come to believe it is my body saying, "Thank you!!!  Thank you for caring for me.  Thank you for loving me enough to make me move even when it hurts.  Thank you for pushing me to limits. Thank you."

I haven't been doing so good lately with caring for my body.  Many changes have swooped into my life and while they have all been good, it seems my body is having a hard time adjusting.  The new job is an amazing opportunity for my family in regards to financially and time.  However, with a new job comes that fear of failing, having to learn everything again, being the new person, trying to impress and get to know an entire building full of new people, not feeling completely competent as I learn new programs, eligibility, laws, office dynamics and so forth.  Just figuring out my voice mail took a considerable amount of time.

Next, Camarata singers has started back up.  I am not taking grad classes this semester so it means I can take Tuesday night to sing, sing, sing.  This choir is a stretch to my vocal abilities.  I am not a trained singer, however I love music and what it can do to me.  This choir was part of what saved me a year ago from compete despair and shutdown.  Something about singing classical music is just thrilling (for me anyway).  In church choir of around the piano at home, I am pretty confidant about my ability.  In this setting I am certain at any moment the director will stop the choir and ask just who is making that awful noise.  Then everyone will turn to look at me.  Yet, I love the challenge and being surrounded by such amazing talent.  This season we are preparing a classical piece that we will travel to Montana to sing with another full choir and full symphony.  It is quite the production.  I AM THRILLED TO BE A PART!!!

Next, I have been courted by an amazing man the last 6 weeks.  While this is a wonderful thing, it also brings about changes.  Talking on the phone in the evening instead of browsing weight loss blogs for recipes and motivation.  I have not been writing on any of my blogs.  Eating out has increased for dates.  Rushing rushing rushing on the weekends when he is in town to visit.  Eating though all the emotions I am having.  Happy is a good emotion to eat through.  Not getting to sleep in time so that I am rested to get up at 4:30 in the morning to hit the gym. 

Anyway...all that just to say, I have been in adjustment mode.  Trying to balance (juggle) my role as mother, self, disciple, daughter, sister, employee, girlfriend, friend and so on while meeting my physical, emotional and spiritual needs of myself and those around me.  So tonight I started by going to Excel with Keaton.  I am already starting to feel it in my legs (darn squats).  I am back on track with taking time for me.  Starting to ease into my new job, feeling secure and joyful in my personal relationship, loving my time with my littles, and reminding myself that I am so WORTH IT!!!

Here's to another start!!!!  What a great ride this will be. 

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Must Work On Me

This working single momma has a hard time setting aside time for myself.  I need one hour each day.  One hour.  Do I take it from the morning?  Give up my quiet night time?  For a while I was doing quite well getting up at 4:30 a.m. and hitting the gym until 6.  Lately I am struggling just to get up at 6:30 a.m.  Focus Tara!!!  So many changes lately....some really good ones....however, still change.  Everything seems to have to adjust.....stretch, shift and find their here goes.....NO excuses!!  I am worth one hour a day.