Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Last Day

The last 72 hours have been a whirlwind.  Often we are reminded how quickly life can change.  Well, what an understatemtn.  Friday evening I received a text message from someone I care for quite deeply. 

The text expressed good news and sorrow. 

As a result, today I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of a Child Welfare licensing worker to approve my home for emergency foster care. 

As I read so many end of the year post, I can't help but feeling a little disjointed.  I'm not ready for it to end.  I am not ready for what will come tomorrow.  Who ever is?  And while thoughts of uncertainty and apprehension are ever present, I am overjoyed and humbled with what tomorrow will bring. 

For today, I am staying present in the moment.  Reminding myself to take it one step at a time and to leave it with my Father in Heaven.  His plan will come forth. Prayer is constant as I seek guidance and understanding.  This event not only brings questions about the choices my loved one has made but it has caused even more to question the choice made to ask me to care for this child in her absence.

Being asked to love someone else's child is not something a person aspires to.  However, when asked . . . you get ready.  You prepare for those that don't think you adequate.  You prepare for those that think themselves a better choice.  You move forward honoring the request of your loved one.  You evaluate your capacity.  You evaluate the capacity of family members in the home.  You pray.  You smile.  You move forward.  You breathe.

I don't know exactly what will come from today or what will unfold as the next few weeks advance.  One thing I am certain, I will move forward prayerfully in faith taking it one day at a time. 

Sunday, December 29, 2013

Shame Loves Secrecy

This post has been simmering for a while.  Always there.  Always in my thoughts.  Never really able to bring myself to serve it up.  At moments of energy I would visit the pot, give it a quick stir, smell the ingredients, take a little taste and think it is just about right.  Then, somehow between putting the lid back on and going to the cupboard to retrieve bowls, I paused.  Questions started to roll.  Uncertainty left me feeling no one wanted what I had to give.  It wasn't ready.  Something was missing. There was to much of something else.  It had not cooked long enough.  Now it was to mushy to serve. 

So I hid.

My creation was neglected. I let it crust over. Dry out.  I couldn't even bring myself to clean everything.  It just sat there.  Abandoned.   

Until . . .

On the day after Christmas, December 26, I opened my For Today daily reader from Overeaters Anonymous.  There I found the following:
Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist, but in the ability to start over.
     F. Scott Fitzgerald
What injustice to think myself a failure because I have to begin again!  So I slipped, or relapsed; so what?  Starting over is what all creation is about; it is part of the fabric of success in enterprises ranging from spinning a web to splitting an atom.  Willingness to make a new beginning is a sign of growth.  It means I am returning to the program with a deeper understanding of myself and my illness.  Far from wanting to hid in the back of the room, I feel I have something of value to contribute.
The words spoke to me.  I felt them.  I was hiding.  There was no denying I had gone to the back of the room. Thoughts of writing, coming back, filled my heart.  I went to my laptop.  Nothing came.  Tears.  Tears came.  Sorrow.  Shame.  Fear.  Emotions filled me that I was not prepared to feel out.  I was not ready to try them on.  My laptop was closed.  The emotions were silenced.

Although I wasn't ready to write or talk about what was going on with me, I did feel the need to make some changes.  Thursday, December 26 (after three months of indulgence) I ate clean.  Feeling in a complete state of chaos, the desire to get back to serenity, to peace led me to my practice of abstinence found in OA.  There is no longer a local group.  Phone meetings are the only way I can connect with a group.  That day, at different times, I joined two phone meetings.  I just listened.  Their words filled me.  That night, I went to the gym.  Not prepared to get in my gym clothes, I hid in the shielding support of a water aerobics class.  The class was great.  Feeling and pushing my body felt thrilling.  However, at the same time, I was clouded with overwhelming shame.  When normally I feel water to be restorative, hiding my body in the water brought sorrow, guilt and anxiety. 
Friday morning I decided it was time to weigh myself.  Hiding from the scale needed to end.  My clothes were no longer fitting.  My skin felt uncomfortable.  Movement was restrictive.  It was time to face the scale. 
261 lbs
Yep, that's right.  I was exactly 20lbs higher than my lowest of 241 lbs in June.  The number was crushing, yet I already knew.  My body had told me over and over what was happening.  Never could I bring myself to listen.  
During my lunch hour I started reading The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown. My therapist had been encouraging me to read her work for the last few weeks.  Finally, after receiving her book as a Christmas present to myself, I took advantage of a few minutes to begin her book.  On page 9 I found myself in a realization that had been forming for a while.  I read the following: 
Shame hates it when we reach out and tell our story.  It hates words wrapped around it-it can't survive being shared.  Shame loves secrecy.  The most dangerous thing to do after a shaming experience is hide or bury your story.  When we bury our story, the shame metastasizes.
Being in a dark shame place (for not days, not weeks, but for months) was getting me further into a place of shame.  After work, I joined in on another OA meeting.

So what am I saying?  Where is this going?

I can no longer hide in a dark place of shame in the back of the room.  I need to wrap words around my shame.  This is not news to me.  For a long time, sharing my story was a way for me to work it through.  The struggle released its grip on me when I shared it with others.

Maybe I needed this time to truly understand why I need to share my story.  I had originally gone into hiding thinking I simply needed a break.  Parts of my story were to hard to expose.  I wasn't ready to face them, let alone share them with anyone else.  I refuse to speculate if that choice was right or wrong.  It happened and here I am.

I am returning with a deeper understanding of myself and my illness.  I can no longer pretend, I Got This.  I am powerless over food and my life has become unmanageable.  It is my belief that a power greater than my own can restore me.  The decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God has been made. 

Today is Sunday and I am half way through my fourth day of abstinence.  My thoughts are clearer.  The chatter in my head has diminished.  I don't know if any lbs have dropped.  I won't be weighing until 7 days abstinent.  Right now I am just focused on getting back, making the daily actions of my plan part of every day. 

I am reading.  Praying.  Meditating.  Moving my body.  Eating clean nourishing food.  I am being mindful.  I am getting on OA phone meetings every chance I get.  I am opening myself up to the idea that I am not in control.  I am finding grace in the knowledge that my mistakes bring me deeper understanding.  I am connecting with individuals that only want for my success.  I am withdrawing from relationships that cause me angst.  I don't have the capacity to refill each time they drain my energy stores.

Today is a good day.  As I wrap up my post I turned to today's reading.  This book is always perfect in bringing me what I need when I need it.  In closing I leave with you the reading from For Today:
As I see and feel this moment, all else in my mind is blocked out.  I am free of the past and the future.  I am living in the now.  Aware of sounds and colors, light and shadow, I look outward from myself - and that is freedom.  I can notice another, listen with energy.  I live life a moment at a time, leaving the moments lived yesterday and those to be lived tomorrow where they belong.
Joy comes from living in the NOW.
For today: I free my mind of yesterday's mistakes and tomorrow's hopes.  I live in this moment.

 Today is an abstinent day.  I am living in this moment and this moment is good.

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Our Second Annual Turkey Trot

Last Thanksgiving a good friend of mine introduced the kids and I to a new tradition. This year I was determined to make it happen again and share the event with even more people I love.

I'll let the pictures speak for themselves.
Starting Line

Race Partner/Kindred Spirit
I love this girl!!

Ready to Make Memories

Two of my brothers
My two boys.

Little one was not wanting to wake up.

Here we go.

"Moo"tivation along the way.

Someone didn't read the rules.

Finish Line- 47 minutes

Won a raffle prize.
Probably should have ordered the x-large shirt
Large was just a little snug.

Little one crossed the finish line on her own.
She wasn't exactly very happy at this moment.
A little on the cold side for this racer.

Sister, Mom, Brother

Boys ran back out to bring Keaton in.

For this moment....my reason.

For someone that grumbles at all my requests for activity,
this boys entire body shouted pure joy after he crossed the
finish line.

This is us.  My loves.  My life.

This photo makes my heart happy. This photo is like a great book.  There is the main storyline (the picture as a whole) but a great book also has just as wonderful multiple story lines playing out.  Those stories are not mine to tell.  Even now, I look at this photo and my heart swells with joy.  The relationships shared, the friendships strengthened, the injuries overcome, the personal victory won, the gratitude for a body that does what I ask it to do, the three generations present, memories made...that is what I see in this picture.

The Turkey Trot was a wonderful part of our Day of Thanks.  Already planning for next year.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Oh, Happy Day

As I put this day to rest, I can't help but feel joyful.  It wasn't an extraordinary day.  I didn't win the lottery.  None of my kids won some big award at school. My house didn't just clean it self.  No, it was a normal typical day and because of that, I am filled with much happiness as I sit here and reflect.

Like it or not, here you go for a day in the life of Tara.

7:45 make it to work on time, a few minutes early in fact
8:30 make a fruit smoothie at work

12:30 take my mom to ShopKo during lunch to utilize her senior citizen discount while purchasing coats and other items for my boys....saved me over $45
1:00 lunch brought from home

4:45 got up the nerve to invite all my coworkers to join in on my December squat challenge (figured I wouldn't look nearly as funny found in my office doing squats if everyone was doing them)  All but two people on my floor agreed to participate!!!!  I AM SO EXCITED!!

5:00 off work, pick up littlest from day care, honey picks up my boys and they all go get haircuts, I then pick up 10 year old daughter and we run to the store to get shoes for her dance costume
7:00 dinner of pancakes, homemade syrup, eggs, turkey bacon and oranges- My son Keaton and I only had eggs, turkey bacon and an orange
7:30 as a family dishes unloaded and loaded, started and then a game of Uno

8:30 prayers and little ones to bed
9:00 Myself, honey and my boys all to the gym-
  • my workout- 5 minutes on the stair climber, 30 minutes elliptical, 45 minutes of weights for     chest and triceps and abs
  • oldest son- all swimming, he had weights at school today
  • next son- one mile on the elliptical, completed his 35 squats, swimming
  • honey- did first mile with Keaton on the elliptical and squat challenge and then went on to continue on elliptical until I was done and then weights with me

I am going to bed with peace and a very happy heart...for so many reasons.  Just wanted to share my ordinary spectacular day. 

Ate clean today.  Moved my body.  Built memories.  Shared health with my family, friends and coworkers.

I like ordinary days.

How was your day?  What made your day spectacular?

Good night all.






Friday, July 5, 2013

FitBloggin Day 1- Multnomah Falls

I could share the blow by blow of FitBloggin.
I could start with describing my drive to Boise Wednesday night and the heartache I felt as I drove away leaving my family behind. 
I could share details of the Boise airport.
My travels wouldn't be complete without
standard airport bathroom selfie
 I could share how paranoid I was that I would sleep through my 3:30 AM alarm and miss my flight.

I could share how strange it feels to actually walk out to the door of your plane and find real propellers.

I could share picture after picture of clouds and skyline from my window seat.
Hello Portland
 I could share a description of my first FitBloggin celebrity sighting after breakfast.
Meet Samantha, Matt and Sue
But I won't.  This highlight of Thursday was hiking to the top of Multnomah Falls with Tiffany, a Portland native that was ever so kind to pick me up from the airport.

After a stop for breakfast, she suggested we visit the falls.  Back in my high school days I had been to the falls during band tour.....there is a blast from the past.  I remember some of the band members climbed to the top.  Not me.  I settled for looking cute, hanging out on the bottom bridge and cheering the others on.

 Tiffany and I went to the first observation area.  Then we even agreed to walk up to the bridge.  I don't think either one of us truly arrived at the falls thinking we would hike to the top, nor did I really think I wanted to.
 However, once on the bridge, I wanted it.  As I looked up to the point where the falls began, I wanted to be there. I wanted to know that experience.  I thought of what I am always telling my children when we go for hikes and they are grumbling.  I tell them the feeling from the bottom looking up is nothing like making it to the top and looking down at where we have just been and what we have just accomplished, let alone the stunning view.  I thought of how 20 years earlier I was in that same spot and SETTLED to stay on the bridge as others achieved a goal.  Not this time.  I wanted it for myself.
We started on the trail heading up saying that we would just go for a little while and take in the view of the river and head back down.  Tiffany didn't know my desire. Speaking for her, I think she would allow me to say that she was not all that thrilled with the idea of hiking all the way to the top, at first.

The thing about trips like this is that something happens just a ways in.  Something clicks.  What was just a little stroll becomes a goal, a challenge.  You become committed.  For me it was at this switchback.  We got to this point after a pretty steep climb and thought there is no way I am putting all this effort into this and not making it to the top.  We were almost half way.  I was in.  No turning back now.  Luckily, Tiffany went along with me. 

 That said, I wasn't exactly all smiles and high energy heading up.  It was tough.  The humidity was high.  The temperature was climbing. There were switchbacks that we could not look ahead.  We put our heads down and repeated one step at a time.  I kept telling myself to keep moving forward.  Doesn't matter how fast.  Doesn't matter that people are passing. Let them.  I am here and I will do this.
I did it for this.

To see this.

To feel this!!!!!

To see her at the top.  To share a memory, a moment when we can achieve a goal no matter how many pounds we have to lose, how slow we went or how many times along the way we thought this is crazy.

And then we got to head back down, which meant having to go back up for a bit.  That was tough.  See, once you get to the top of the switchbacks, then you have to go down a trail to get to the top of the falls.  When going back, you have to go up that trail to get to the top of the switchbacks.  And don't think it is all "downhill" from there.  Those trails are steep.  Heading back down was a slower process than I would have thought. Easier, for sure.  

One great thing about the coming down is being able to encourage those on their way up.  We had just been there.  I connected with the angst on their faces as they looked ahead.  We cheered and encouraged their steady steps.  Getting back to the bottom, finding myself on that bridge again, felt so different than being there the first time. 
As we left, I glanced behind one more time to the top of the falls.  No one can take that feeling away from me.  I was there.  I was there at the top.  Many can say that but not all.  For me day one of FitBloggin was not about the ice breakers or name tag decorating.  It was about doing more than I thought I could do.  Being stronger than I thought I was.  Achieving a goal I didn't know I had.
In case you are wondering, 
remembered to start tracking our walk with MapMyWalk.  Not to shabby.  All total we went 3.38 miles that morning. 
Thanks Tiffany and FitBloggin.  My day one is certainly one to remember.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Quick Trip

Real fast:
With perfect summer evenings, the gym doesn't have as strong of a draw as hitting places in our own backyard where we can all move together. Tonight we made a quick trip to Idaho Falls to drop of our foster dog. Tomorrow he has a reserved seat on a flight to a dog sanctuary in Colorado. While there we took advantage of enjoying the green belt followed by a milkshake stop and practicing lines for the kids play. Great summer night. We moved. We made memories. We spent an evening together. 

Monday, June 17, 2013

He Shines

Parts of being a mom do not feel so good.  When I see my children struggle, when they feel real pain, this is when my heart exists outside my body.  With every sorrow, my heart breaks.  There are not many places where my Keaton feels like he fits in.  To me, he is a shining star ALWAYS.  Yes, I struggle with some of his behaviors. What parent doesn't now and then with their children?  However, one look at this beautiful boy brings purpose and meaning to my life.
With size not in his favor, Keaton feels he starts with a few strikes against him no matter where he is or who he is with.  I want to protect him from all in the world that would do him harm.  While I celebrate him in my life, I see the looks he gets when we are at swimming pools, restaurants, parks, clothing stores or any public place.  He is my perfect boy.  I see a child that wants to be loved.  I see kindness and devotion.  I see a child transitioning into a man right before my eyes.  I love him regardless.  I just don't want him to hurt.  I want him to shine.
Recently, I took a chance and enrolled Keaton and my 9 year old daughter, Belle in a theatre camp.  Initially, my desire was to occupy these two during the day while I am at work.  Additionally, I did want to take advantage of it giving the kids an opportunity to ride their bikes the 1 mile downhill (which means 1 mile uphill) each day.  However, my main goal was to expose and introduce them to a new skill and possible talent for them to pursue.  I want them to have every opportunity to find their passion.  This two week theatre camp sounded like a win/win to me.
As a mom, imagine my delight when I was speaking with a staff member at this camp when she told me the staff will truly miss Keaton when the camp ends this weekend.  She stated that each staff member has mentioned Keaton being a stand out kid.  She commented on his enthusiasm, desire to learn, kindness, creativity, aptitude and all around pleasant nature.  (Mama don't cry to the lady on the phone.....don't cry, don't cry, don't cry).
Eventually I felt the conversation safe enough to share my biggest concern.  There are not many places where Keaton feels accepted. He always often feels like the outcast.  The one kid that just doesn't fit in.  I told her I have seen a light in him grow that I have longed to see.  He comes home each day jubilant to share the details of his day.  He admits to it being hard.  He admits the music makes his voice tired.  He admits he doesn't like riding his bike home afterwards.  And yet, he states all this with a smile and energy. 
That was when she told me, "Tara, most of us don't fit in one way or another in most places, but here we seem to work.  This is where we fit in.  I want you to know, Keaton SHINES when he is here."
And now the tears.......I tell her it was not easy for me to pay the $135/each.  But I am so glad I did just to hear those words and to give my son/children this experience.  EVERY ONE DESERVES TO SHINE.  Let me say it again, EVERY ONE DESERVES TO SHINE.  My beautiful baby doesn't only shine, he radiates.  I am so blessed. 
Maybe I have a future actor on my hands.  Maybe an award winning playwright, set designer or sound person.  Maybe he will just be the guy that carries off and on props during the show.  I don't care.  My boy shines.
This is our journey.  This is his journey.  This is one amazing mama payday.  I can't wait to watch him and Belle perform on Friday night.  I will be the mama in the third row center with the biggest smile, proudest heart and deepest gratitude.
As a side note, Belle and her talents are not overlooked at the camp.  My beautiful Belle always stands out.  She is the show stealer, ALWAYS.  I think even she understands this is a time for Keaton to stand out.  In her tender way, she is stepping back for the spotlight to hit her big brother.  I have some amazing children. 

Saturday, June 15, 2013

At My Lowest

At my lowest weight that is....I think back to the fall/winter time and how I struggled and pushed to break through to be under the 250's.  Now, I have been fighting, not always as consistent as I should have, to get under 240 and into the 30's.

I have not been holding myself accountable the last few months.  Life has pulled my attention in other areas.  While I have not let myself get out of control, there have been more free for all days than I care to admit. 

So here it is.....I may not be officially blogging much (however I am active on my FB page) at the current time, however I do want to start posting my Saturday weigh in each week.  I can commit to that for now.

There are so many things I would like to write about, share, ask, explore.  Right now....I need to be out living my life which leads to not a lot of time to write about it.  And.  That.  Is.  Okay. 

I have to be okay with that. 

I can be found on instagram, myfitnesspal, twitter and facebook all under the username, wortheveryounce.

So here we go:

Starting Weight, Feb 2012:
279 lbs

Today's Weight, June 15, 2013:

Total Pounds to Never See Again:

Next Saturday I will be in the 230's.  Yes I will!!!!

Have a great Father's Day weekend everyone.

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Incredible Weekend- Just what I needed

It is 10:36 PM as I start this post.  For the last three days I have had a few blog post ideas percolating.  Even tonight, I have so much to share but as we are so busy living our life, I am finding no time to write about it. 
I will say this......this weekend was amazing.  Mostly we stayed home.  We moved our bodies.  We went for walks.  We cheered on our girls at their dance recital.  This was a weekend of family and being good to ourselves.
And in an effort to start the work week out right, I am refusing to stay up late tonight.  Tomorrow I am hoping to get in some photo editing and blog time.  
I will share just a few pics from our 2.75 mile family walk.  Even Miss Olaya walked the entire thing.  Keaton was thrilled as we started back down the trail that he did it.  My family was all together, making memories and moving.  
My cup is full!!!!
Hope you all had a great weekend.  Let's make this a fabulous week. 

Monday, May 20, 2013

A Little Spin Out

UGH!!!  There is a certain piece of technology that is not my friend today.  In fact, I feel this friend has betrayed me.  Lied to me.  Deceived me.  Crushed my dreams even.  After a week of greatness.  A week of every time we met leaving me feeling better about myself.  We had 6 days of wonderful.  For it to all end like this........
Today the scale was up 1.2 lbs.
Seriously, how is this possible?
As of today I am 7 days abstinent (no wheat/no sugar).
After a successful week, my typical behavior is to reward myself with a bad weekend.  NOT THIS WEEKEND!  I rocked workouts and eating clean all weekend.
Sunday I celebrated two non scale victories.
Every day for one week the scale was down.....ever so little each day.....but down still.
This morning......up 1.2.
Makes no sense.
I told myself all the things I would tell my friends.  Don't put to much into what the scale says.  There is not possible way you could gain 1.2 real lbs in a day when you only ate 1100 calories and ran two miles and walked 3 miles. Maybe you got salt in your diet yesterday.  Focus on the measurements, how your body feels, how hard you are working.  DON'T WEIGH YOURSELF EVERYDAY!!!
Yeah, well....
it didn't work.
All day I struggled emotionally.  Externally I did what I knew I needed to do.  I drank my water.  I ate clean.  I read from my OA literature.  I planned to move my body  after work.  Internally, I was a temper tantrum throwing toddler saying, "This isn't fair."  I questioned everything I know about the science of my plan.  I questioned my body. I questioned the process.  I questioned me.  I QUESTIONED ME.......not good. 
By the time I met up with my trainer, I was spinning out.  Kort is awesome.  He pushes my body.  He demands/encourages more from me than I know I have.  And then I hit him with tears.  Is there a chapter in the trainer manual titled "How to Reel Them Back In When They Are Spinning Out"?
This is the deal......as I continue to eat clean, my appetite continues to go down.  It seems my calorie intake this last week has been a little on the low side.  Kort is advising me not to go below 1500 calories.  Hearing this sent me to a tiny panic.  Telling a food addict they need to eat more is complicated.  Usually my problem is needing to eat less.  I understand what he was telling me.  It makes logical sense.  The science is there.  Now if I can just get my emotions out of it.  As he explained my body could very well be holding fast to every last calorie I consume due to the high calorie burns and low calorie intake, all I could hear was......eat more. What...I am working so hard not to eat more.  He talked me through it.  Poor guy.  There is so much more to personal training than just rep counting.  I am grateful I have him to work things out with.  He gives me direction.  Helps me trust the process, especially today when I wanted to spin out.
One last note....we all have those people that quietly stand on the side lines cheering us on.  They don't get a lot of acknowledgement.  They don't have titles like trainer, healer, therapist and so forth.  They are the ones that smile at you when you pass on the soda at the family dinner.  They are the ones that make sure there are foods for you to eat at your in laws house for Easter.  They are the ones that witness your behaviors first hand and love you anyway.  They are the ones that see you standing in the pantry late at night and come over and hug you, ever so gently pulling you away from the pantry and closing the door.  They are the ones that didn't come into this as an expert in their field.  They probably didn't have any idea what loving someone with a food addiction would mean.  And yet, they love you anyway.  They feel your pain.  They rejoice in your success.  And sometimes, they go unnoticed along this journey. 
To my husband, to those people for you, you do not go unnoticed.  You are the strength.  You are the reason. 
You are my everything.  Love you babe!! 
I finished the day strong.  After talking things out with my trainer, we went on to have a great full body strength training session.  I came home to a picnic dinner with my family and let the scale leave my mind.  That scale, as much as I thought it was this last week, is not my friend.  It never will be.  It will never be able to tell me the full story.  I know the full story.  My non scale victories tell me.  I see the work, the effort, the tears and the sacrifice it takes to progress. 
You SCALE will not take that from me.
DAY 7.......you fought me hard....in the end.....I rocked you!!!!

Sunday, May 19, 2013

This Week.... but mostly today....NSV

 To start, a few pics of the week

Eating Clean

Monday Training

Wednesday Training
Friday Wedding and Reception-
Ate Clean.....That was Hard!!!
Friday Night....proud of this one...after wedding reception
30 minutes before closing time

Friday after gym
10:00 p.m. watching my man

Sunday morning run

Today was a first.  Before church, I enjoy getting in a quick run.  Today I was running late when hubby encouraged me to run from home instead of driving to the gym.  NOT COMFORTABLE!!  You have no idea.  Running in the gym I feel like I am in a safe place.  Public roads have not been safe for me in the past.  I can't count how many times I have heard fat insults yelled at me from passing cars as I have tried to move my body on public roads.  The gym or walking/running with friends has kept me safe.  This run was on my own. 

Guess what..... no one yelled, honked or insulted me.  I didn't even run just in my neighborhood, I ran on a busy main street.  This was huge for me.  Thrilling even.  Not that no one will ever yell insults at me again, however at this point in my journey I don't think it would shake me as it once did.

Second, my first mile came in under 15 minutes and mile two hit at 29:39.  I have been trying to get under 15 minutes forever.  I am proud to admit I am slow.  I am slow but steady....progressing.  The rest doesn't matter.  Each run I go further and maybe just a little bit faster.

Many amazing moments have happened over the last week.  I am going to sleep today putting day 7 of abstinence to rest.  My food addiction is back in recovery.  No wheat/no sugar is becoming easier each day.  My body is feeling stronger.  Keeping it just to one day at a time.  I can't say I will be abstinent next week, next year.  I can say I will be tomorrow.  I can say my next choice will be to be good to me.

Thanks friends for all of your support.  Thank you to all those that have reached out the last few weeks.  I am humbled and honored that you trust me with your story and journey.  I am not an expert but I sure can share my experience.

For now......

Goodnight all.