Thursday, January 15, 2015

We Are Breaking Up

For such a long time you were exactly what I needed.  I can't count how many sweat drops poured out while I was with you.  Pounds were lost.  Confidence found.  Friendships strengthened.  Fears crushed.  Barriers broken.  A community found.  For right around 18 months you were how I started my day.  I ran to you for sanctuary when everything in my world came crashing down.  Many Saturday afternoons were spent bringing my children to you for some splishing and splashing. You were my safe place.

Then everything changed.

The demands upon me changed.  Three children, added to my already four children, came to my home for love and safety.  As a single parent working a full-time job suddenly with a newborn and all the demands a newborn brings and a 3 year old with extreme night terrors...time with you was out of the question.  My body shifted to basic survival mode. At the same time my personal world experienced another end, one that wasn't expected BUT needed.  Everything I had was put into meeting the needs of seven children on my own.

After 9 months the three children returned to their mother.  As much as I rejoiced in this happening, I found my arms empty and my heart broken.  I had much healing to do.

Survival mode was now shifting to resting.  I needed to rest.  Rest my heart.  Rest my soul.  Rest my body.

Where were you?  Where was that community I had found?  No one called me asking how I was doing?  You took my money every month even though I objected.  I asked for a delay.  I asked for you to give me some time.  You told me there was nothing you could do.  You took my money every month.  In 12 months I came to you maybe 10 times and paid well over $1200.  So basically each visit cost me over $100.  You continued to take when I had nothing left to give. 

As I changed, as my needs changed, you refused to help or change with me. 

So today I am coming to you and we are officially breaking up.  I can't keep investing in you and you not being willing to invest in me.  I want a relationship that will yield mutual beneficial results.  I want a relationship that will change together.

It's been a while since I found what I needed. Yet, I held on to you, worried this new relationship wasn't going to work out.  With so many broken promises in my past, I wasn't fully ready to be all in.  I did hold on just in case I need to come back to you. I held to the idea that at one time you were everything I needed. Couldn't you be again? 

I can't be part in and part out any longer.  It's time for me to jump.  It's time for me to stop driving past you wondering. The only one to hurt from all this was me. You never even once acknowledged my absence.  I held back from giving my all to my new relationship and by doing so I held back on me.  I doubted.  I feared.  I struggled. 


We are breaking up!

I am ready to be all in.  I am ready to dedicate myself to my new relationship.  I am ready to invest in me and my children.  I am ready to stop wasting $100 a month because I am afraid to let you go. I have found a community that is genuinely invested in my success.  I have found a way to combine fitness and family in the same activity.  I am better able to model good behavior for my children because I am here for them to see me.  You never allowed my little ones to be with me. Now my babies, not just the teenage ones can experience this right along with me.  When I have struggled, my new community has checked on me, encouraged me and fought right along side me. In addition, as I have invested in this new relationship, I have found a financial opportunity that I could never have dreamed about.  How amazing is that?  Can you believe it?  A health and fitness relationship that doesn't take my money every month and never care a bit about me.  I have found something I am able to align myself with in balance with who and what I am, family, fitness, food and fun. 

So here I go.  I am headed over to the gym to cancel my membership.  That moment will allow me to truly JUMP into my Beachbody involvement.  So just in case any one doesn't know, I want it to be perfectly clear, I am an active Beachbody coach.  I love this company and the team I am surrounded by. It promotes nutrition, fitness, personal development and most of all...sharing health and wellness (physical and financial) with others.

So here goes.  I AM ALL IN. 

Today is my declaration.  I can't wait to see where this year is going to take me.  No more back and forth.  No more fear.  No more holding back.  I am ready to take my next step...and the next step. 

Watch me!  Join me!  Support me!

And now I have a paper to go sign.