Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Learning To Care For Myself

It is so easy for me to get lost in the care of those I love.  If you are in my circle and tell me you are hurting, I will be there.  Dang, if you are not in my circle and tell me you are hurting, I will be there.  It is who I am.  This is not something I am ashamed of.  Caring for other, meeting the needs of others, nurturing...these are all things that bring me joy.  They do until I lose myself in it...and not in the good way. 

Honestly, I don't know if I know how to care for others and still maintain who I am and what I need.  For example, my son had surgery on the hematoma that he received Aug 7 after a tangle with a 4 wheeler.

Very quickly we went from this
 to this

to this

 which led to this.
 

Since surgery on Aug 28, we have continued to go in every other day for wound vac change. 

I don't regret any moment caring for my children.  Their health and safety is my first priority.  Like any parent, I am willing to go without to give them what they need.

However, this does not come without a cost.  This month I believe I have gained 10lbs.  I stopped getting in my daily workouts.  I stopped eating the way that is best for my body.  I DID drink my shakeology every day....I did at least that one good thing for myself each day.  I wasn't getting the sleep I needed. 

The thing I noticed the last little while is that I started getting super grumpy.  I became short with my kids.  The slightest thing would set me off. It wasn't pretty and I am not pleased with this.  Something needed to change for them and me.

Every day for the last two weeks I have woke up determined to eat clean and workout.  Let's just say each day I have gone to bed feeling broken and defeated.  I didn't do what I thought I was determined to do.  I just couldn't find my why.  This does not make for a good mental state. 

It was confirmed to me yet again that we are provided what we need when we need it.  I have been angry with myself.  Maybe I can explain it like this:

Say your child does something that they know they should not have.  You find out.  What is one of the first things you ask them?  Why?  Why did you do this?  Most often the response is, "I don't know."  I didn't always understand this but the truth is they most likely do not know why they did it.  They just did it. 

This is how I have felt about myself.  I know how to achieve my goals.  I have the resources I need to achieve my goals.  I just haven't.  Why did I eat that?  Why didn't I get up when my alarm went off?  Why? Why? Why?

I DON'T KNOW!!!!

I don't know.  I don't know the exact reason.  There are many to chose from.  The main point is all this the last few weeks has made me angry.  Just so happens I was reading in The Compound Effect today and the author was describing how anger is a great motivator.  Anger can call people to action.  Anger can make the silent, vocal.  Funny thing being angry with myself was quite possibly exactly what I needed.

Today I ate on my plan.

Today I listened a podcast from Shrinking Obesity and then read from The Compound Effect.

Today I moved my body.

Today I took all my Beachbody Performance Line Supplements.

Today I changed the dialogue running in my head (did you know we have the power to alter that?).

Today I modeled healthy behaviors for my children.


I completed Body Beast Legs.

Followed it up with Cize Full Out.
My girls joined me for Cize.  We are loving dancing together.

video


And finally this evening I took new Before pics.  I have been hiding not wanting to take these.  In fact I was in a group this last month where I was asked to take before and after pics as part of the group requirements.  I didn't take the before pics because (get this) I didn't think the after would show any difference.  How is that for self fulfilling prophecy? 

Enough of that.  I took them.  On October 8 I will put on these same clothes and take them again.  There will be a change.  I will be happy with my results. 



This girls does not begin to think she has all the answers.  (Why am I typing in third person)  I have fallen.  I have rested.  I have been trampled on.  I also get up each time I fall.  I am getting up!

Whatever it takes!

If you are interested in any of the Beachbody programs please visit my affiliate link. 

1 comment:

  1. I love your positive spirit throughout every challenge. Sending hugs and wishes for great things to come.

    ReplyDelete