For now I will only share about my latest experience with ZUMBA. At the current time, I have two gym memberships. One to Gold's Gym in Pocatello that I attend in the morning for my time and one to EXCEL Weight Loss Solutions that I started going to right after work to support my Keaton. Now I am addicted to my two a day workouts. I arise (most days) at 4:30 in the morning, slip into my gym clothes, start a load of laundry and then hit the road to be there by 5. Avril and I stay until about 6:10. Mon, Wed, and Friday my goal is to work on a 5k training plan and then weights. On Tues and Thursday I aim for 30 min on the elliptical and then body pump (intense weight training) class.
With my new employment, I am able to work my schedule around so that I can get off at 4:30 to then pick up Miss Olaya from child care, hussle home to drop her off with the Taron and Belle, change clothes, grab Keaton and then over to classes at Excel at 5. Mon, Wed we do a family friendly weight training aerobic class. Tuesday is Zumba, I think. Thursday is Yoga and Friday Zumba with weights. PHEW!!!! (Hence my new addiction.) Then Saturday we hit Zumba at 9 in the morning.....which brings me to my thoughts today from class.
First, why can't I let myself go? I love this form of fitness. It strikes a cord with me listening to the Latin music with sultry rhythms and dance styles from my heritage. You would think I would rock this. Well, when I am not in the front of the mirror I do pretty well. Today I positioned myself in front of a wall with no mirror. I felt better as I allowed my body to work through the moves. Unlike when I am in front of the mirror, I notice I restrain myself. Ashamed to watch my body move. Ashamed to see my stomach shake and the belly hang over when I raise my arms. Ashamed when I see the large mass hanging from both my arms. I make my moves small and confined. And even with this I find shame, scolding words tell me to move, enjoy. let myself go....I am in a safe place with women that encourage me and Keaton by my side. My steps are wrong. My rhythm is off. More scolding. Eventually I settle into making my mind allow my body to just do it. By the end of class I am moving and flowing. Still some restraint but the words have settled to you can do this.....keep going.....move your hips....smile, you like this.....you were born for this.
Today was mostly different. Without the mirror directly in front of me, I didn't see myself looking back, ready to squash my joy and desire to push hard. I moved my hips more. I rocked it when I could. I put my Latin dancing flare in on my own, feeling the music pulse through me and not just relying on watching Meagan instruct us on the next move. I glanced back to a woman in the back....older....and can I just say she was loving every minute of it. She closed her eyes, felt the music. I saw her smiling as she moved through the song. And can you believe she didn't get every step at the right moment. But boy was she going to enjoy moving her body to the music. So......new goal.
Let myself go.Live in the moment. Soak in the music. Be gentler with my thoughts on my body and my ability. Maybe I should stand where there is no mirror for a while as my confidence builds. However, mirror or not, my next Zumba experience is going to be filled with the mantra, Let Go.
Next, I must say zumba is a good fit for me. I look forward to the music, rhythms and the complete thrill that extends to every ounce of my body as I complete a class. Even better is that I get to share it with Keaton. As we try to make this journey together it has been difficult to find things that he enjoys doing for exercise. He looks forward to Zumba. One song in particular he asks for at each class. The women are supportive of his efforts. I considered cancelling his membership there and adding him to mine at Gold's. However, I thought better on that for one, Gold's is my place, my time. And once I started attending a few classes with Keaton at Excel, I saw first hand how I could not take him from this community. So I added me to his membership. Now we work hard together. The smaller classes, familiar faces, community of love and encouragement are not something I want to give up for me.
So this week
- keep up with my fitness schedule - no sleeping through morning work outs
- silence the destructive voices in my head
- allow myself to move regardless how I perceive I look
- be gentle with who I am
- drink lots of water.....water water water