I SHOULD BE HAPPY.....And I Really Am

So here is what I posted to my FB like page today:

I'm sitting at my Dr.'s office. I'm a little happy. I haven't really said anything about what I have been doing because I was afraid it would be one more thing that wouldn't work for me.

HOWEVER, between regular (not even every day) 30 minute a day home workouts (thank you Beachbody), daily dose of whole food nutrition (thank you Shakeology and Beachbody), the right medical diagnosis and medications (which at this point can be reversed, thank you Wellness Center), surrounding myself with people that I believe in and believe in me (many I have never met in person), I am happy to report I AM DOWN 17 LBS IN 6 WEEKS!!!!

There is no quick fix. There is no magic pill, magic shake or magic wrap.

It is small efforts daily that over time bring big results and lasting changes.

So here is the deal.  Yes, I am thrilled I have lost 17 lbs.  Yes, I am happy the scale is finally moving in the right direction.  Yes, I am happy I have finally found answers and support and a correct balance just right for me. Yes, I am feeling better. 

I ALSO can't help but be sad that although I have lost 17 lbs., I am still at the heaviest I have ever been.  Although I am down 17 lbs., I think of what that means for what my heaviest weight actually was.  I couldn't bring myself to weigh here at home once I knew I had moved above a certain high weight.  When I weighed at the Wellness Center I was in shock at the number that stared back at me.  I am sad I allowed myself to struggle and stumble and fail so many times thinking it was all my fault.  I kept getting up and fighting each day when inside I felt like I was dying.  Nothing was working.  I DIDN'T KNOW!!  I didn't know that my body needed a little help. 

Now that I know what my body needs, I am seeing the results.  There is no one size fixes all.  There just isn't.  For me it wasn't just changing my food.  It wasn't just loving myself first.  It wasn't just focusing on my kids.  It wasn't just addressing my mental health.  It wasn't just working out.  It wasn't just medications. It wasn't just finding supportive people...my tribe.  It wasn't just letting go of people that hurt me more than they helped.  It wasn't just......ANYTHING!!!

For me it is all these things!

I keep typing out all this semi-motivational stuff and then I delete it.

All I want to say right now is THIS SUCKS. It is okay to be angry.  It's okay to be sad.  It's okay to be right where I am and feel the feelings I am having and not have to justify or push them away. I can be happy and sad at the same time!!!! OVERTHE EXACT SAME 17 lbs.!!!

Goodnight.