After coming down from the weekend high (Color Run and smaller sizes), I was hit hard at a family Halloween party on Monday night....well...all of Monday. Just bad food choices from start to finish...which leads to more bad choices...which leads to wanting to just be normal with leads to guilt and more bad choices. I think you get the idea. Top it off, not being able to get to the gym due to holiday events and tasks needing my time on Monday makes for a very fuzzy Tara.
Tuesday, I started out clean. I ate clean all day. Breakfast. Lunch. Dinner. No shame at all. Choir practice at the university was Tuesday night which meant no gym workout for a third day in a row.
Today did not start out with me in a good place. Between missing two workouts and major sugar and wheat indulgence on Monday, my weigh in this morning set me off. I know, I know. Don't let the scale change you. See.....it didn't. I knew I had done bad. I knew I ate as a reward and as a punishment on Monday. I knew because my body was still hurting from the wheat and sugar.
Highest Weight: 279
Last Weight: 248
Current Weight: 253 +5
Bring on Halloween. I was a time bomb just waiting to happen. Potluck at work. Treats for the kids. Chocolate everywhere and my head in a bad place.
|Luvin my co-workers costume|
cruise ship buffet lover
Our neighborhood had their Trunk-O-Treat at 4:30 p.m. (way early). We were done by 5:15 p.m. I went home and changed into my gym clothes (mostly for comfort because I could not stay in my to-tight-you-have-eaten-your-calorie-limit-for-the-day-and-then-some pants......which, by the way, I wore today so that I would not over eat. BAD.IDEA. That just made me feel fat all day since they were tight to begin with.)
We went over to my parents to hang out. On the way, I happened to call a friend and say let's go to the gym after things settle down. He agreed and was available.
By now I was starting to get the shakes. Seriously, I needed a fix. Not more sugar. I needed a calorie burn like no other and I knew it. But my head was still not in it.
My little loves to go to the gym day care. She wanted to join me. As we headed over to pick up my friend, I called the gym to make sure there was child care on Halloween night. Good thing I did. They closed it early. So now I am discouraged. Might as well go home and watch Season 3 of Modern Family. That is what I started telling my self.
Called my friend.
He says to me, in a supportive way, that I know best about what I need to do. He said that going home and resting may be good. BUT then he says, "You know, even if you get in 30 minutes, you are going to feel better. And Tara, you are worth it."
YES. I. AM.
Picked up my friend. Drove little back to my parents. Drove back to the gym.
60 minutes later.....
two episodes of Honey Boo Boo (First for me, scary!!!!!!) as I pushed it on the elliptical......
896 calories later.....
It only took 30 seconds and I knew that machine and I were going to be very good friends.
I didn't need rest. I didn't need a new day. I didn't need to punish myself.
I needed a calorie burn. I needed an endorphin hit. I needed a good choice.
Now I can say, I don't care what that scale says. I am getting up when I fall and that is all that matters. I make mistakes. I fall down. If you have followed me for any length of time, you know I fall down. Hopefully, you also know, I get up.
That dark place I go when I make mistakes.....yeah....I don't live there anymore. Unfortunately, I do make a visit from time to time. I don't know if that will ever change. I can tell you, when I see that dark place coming (like today), I know what to do. And yes, I am worth it.
These four creatures, they are worth it!!!!
I will get up each time I fall.
Happy Halloween everyone! I don't know about you, but it was a good day for me.....yes, it was.