One beautiful lesson I was able to articulate after the healing session was how my recent challenge has strengthened my heart. I have chosen not to let this break me. Through my food addiction recovery over the last year, one major theme has continued to bring me peace. Everything happens for a reason and we are exactly where we supposed to be at exactly this moment. While my marriage only lasted just over 2 months, it is my belief it had to happen. There is something to come from this for the good. As I struggle to understand, heal my heart and push through the myriad of emotions, I am comforted in the knowledge that there is someone bigger than me in charge. I give it to Him. He knows the end from the beginning. He knows why I am to be here right at this moment.
As I spoke with my healer/friend, as we discussed my heart, I was able to articulate my understanding of the heart being a muscle. Through workouts and training, I am aware that muscle only grows after it is torn. The tearing down and rebuilding of the human muscle is what makes it stronger. Is that way with my heart????? Is it not a muscle as well? Is this shredded, mangled mess of a heart only the makings of a vibrant, strong, healthy muscle?
I can't begin to say I have all the answers. Most of what is happening I don't even understand. What I do know is that I have to keep moving. I have to keep strengthening. And maybe the only way to strengthen is to tear down. So break....break my heart.....get it over with.....not because I want to hurt but because I know I will come out of this better than ever. My capacity to love will not be taken. My heart will only grow and become stronger from this adversity.
Kathy, my dear friend, thank you sharing Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). Our healing session helped my heart. I know I have a long way to go. Tonight was a great start to allowing me to vision how I want my heart to look when it is healed.
Shifting gears, later in the night I did another kind of heart strengthening.......workout time..........
Heading out to meet up with my trainer, Kort.
Sporting pig tails.
Little bit of crossfit training.
I seriously think he is creatively thinking up ways to kill me.
Always a happy girl when I am done.
Session ended at 1 hour 10 minutes.
Forgot to turn of the Polar.
400 calories, not to shabby
A friend called tonight to check on how I am doing. After our conversation he stated I am probably doing better than he is doing with the stuff in his life. I don't think I am doing great but I am doing the best I can. I keep moving forward, in part because I don't see that I have a choice and second, for fear if I stop for even a moment, it will all catch up with me and be to much.......far to much for me to recover from.
I know we all struggle. I spend my day helping families resolve their problems. The news of the world is filled with people struggling with bigger heartaches than mine. Yet, as this is real for me, please know, it is real for you. You are not alone. You are not defined by what struggle you are having. Stay the course. Remain honest and true to who you are. And never, ever.....ever, give up.