Monday, May 20, 2013

A Little Spin Out

UGH!!!  There is a certain piece of technology that is not my friend today.  In fact, I feel this friend has betrayed me.  Lied to me.  Deceived me.  Crushed my dreams even.  After a week of greatness.  A week of every time we met leaving me feeling better about myself.  We had 6 days of wonderful.  For it to all end like this........
Today the scale was up 1.2 lbs.
Seriously, how is this possible?
As of today I am 7 days abstinent (no wheat/no sugar).
After a successful week, my typical behavior is to reward myself with a bad weekend.  NOT THIS WEEKEND!  I rocked workouts and eating clean all weekend.
Sunday I celebrated two non scale victories.
Every day for one week the scale was down.....ever so little each day.....but down still.
This morning......up 1.2.
Makes no sense.
I told myself all the things I would tell my friends.  Don't put to much into what the scale says.  There is not possible way you could gain 1.2 real lbs in a day when you only ate 1100 calories and ran two miles and walked 3 miles. Maybe you got salt in your diet yesterday.  Focus on the measurements, how your body feels, how hard you are working.  DON'T WEIGH YOURSELF EVERYDAY!!!
Yeah, well....
it didn't work.
All day I struggled emotionally.  Externally I did what I knew I needed to do.  I drank my water.  I ate clean.  I read from my OA literature.  I planned to move my body  after work.  Internally, I was a temper tantrum throwing toddler saying, "This isn't fair."  I questioned everything I know about the science of my plan.  I questioned my body. I questioned the process.  I questioned me.  I QUESTIONED ME.......not good. 
By the time I met up with my trainer, I was spinning out.  Kort is awesome.  He pushes my body.  He demands/encourages more from me than I know I have.  And then I hit him with tears.  Is there a chapter in the trainer manual titled "How to Reel Them Back In When They Are Spinning Out"?
This is the I continue to eat clean, my appetite continues to go down.  It seems my calorie intake this last week has been a little on the low side.  Kort is advising me not to go below 1500 calories.  Hearing this sent me to a tiny panic.  Telling a food addict they need to eat more is complicated.  Usually my problem is needing to eat less.  I understand what he was telling me.  It makes logical sense.  The science is there.  Now if I can just get my emotions out of it.  As he explained my body could very well be holding fast to every last calorie I consume due to the high calorie burns and low calorie intake, all I could hear more. What...I am working so hard not to eat more.  He talked me through it.  Poor guy.  There is so much more to personal training than just rep counting.  I am grateful I have him to work things out with.  He gives me direction.  Helps me trust the process, especially today when I wanted to spin out.
One last note....we all have those people that quietly stand on the side lines cheering us on.  They don't get a lot of acknowledgement.  They don't have titles like trainer, healer, therapist and so forth.  They are the ones that smile at you when you pass on the soda at the family dinner.  They are the ones that make sure there are foods for you to eat at your in laws house for Easter.  They are the ones that witness your behaviors first hand and love you anyway.  They are the ones that see you standing in the pantry late at night and come over and hug you, ever so gently pulling you away from the pantry and closing the door.  They are the ones that didn't come into this as an expert in their field.  They probably didn't have any idea what loving someone with a food addiction would mean.  And yet, they love you anyway.  They feel your pain.  They rejoice in your success.  And sometimes, they go unnoticed along this journey. 
To my husband, to those people for you, you do not go unnoticed.  You are the strength.  You are the reason. 
You are my everything.  Love you babe!! 
I finished the day strong.  After talking things out with my trainer, we went on to have a great full body strength training session.  I came home to a picnic dinner with my family and let the scale leave my mind.  That scale, as much as I thought it was this last week, is not my friend.  It never will be.  It will never be able to tell me the full story.  I know the full story.  My non scale victories tell me.  I see the work, the effort, the tears and the sacrifice it takes to progress. 
You SCALE will not take that from me.
DAY fought me the end.....I rocked you!!!!

No comments:

Post a Comment