EXCEL...lent

One benefit of my new job is that I can adjust my schedule a little to fit the needs of my family.  Today I worked through my lunch so that I could get off 30 minutes early.  What a difference those 30 minutes made.  By doing so, I was able to pick up Miss O from the sitter's, get home, change my close, pick up Keaton and head over to Excel Weight Loss Solutions for family cardio and strength training class by 5:00. 

It was great.  Did some aerobic exercises.  A little weight lifting.  Ran a few laps down the hall and back and then finished up with 15 minutes of Zumba.  That was when I felt it.  That rush when the endorphins kick in.  For me it is also when the little sting to my eyes is felt and maybe my eyes will fill with tears.  It is a good thing.  It is cleansing.  Invigorating.  Physical pleasure.  I have come to believe it is my body saying, "Thank you!!!  Thank you for caring for me.  Thank you for loving me enough to make me move even when it hurts.  Thank you for pushing me to limits. Thank you."

I haven't been doing so good lately with caring for my body.  Many changes have swooped into my life and while they have all been good, it seems my body is having a hard time adjusting.  The new job is an amazing opportunity for my family in regards to financially and time.  However, with a new job comes that fear of failing, having to learn everything again, being the new person, trying to impress and get to know an entire building full of new people, not feeling completely competent as I learn new programs, eligibility, laws, office dynamics and so forth.  Just figuring out my voice mail took a considerable amount of time.

Next, Camarata singers has started back up.  I am not taking grad classes this semester so it means I can take Tuesday night to sing, sing, sing.  This choir is a stretch to my vocal abilities.  I am not a trained singer, however I love music and what it can do to me.  This choir was part of what saved me a year ago from compete despair and shutdown.  Something about singing classical music is just thrilling (for me anyway).  In church choir of around the piano at home, I am pretty confidant about my ability.  In this setting I am certain at any moment the director will stop the choir and ask just who is making that awful noise.  Then everyone will turn to look at me.  Yet, I love the challenge and being surrounded by such amazing talent.  This season we are preparing a classical piece that we will travel to Montana to sing with another full choir and full symphony.  It is quite the production.  I AM THRILLED TO BE A PART!!!

Next, I have been courted by an amazing man the last 6 weeks.  While this is a wonderful thing, it also brings about changes.  Talking on the phone in the evening instead of browsing weight loss blogs for recipes and motivation.  I have not been writing on any of my blogs.  Eating out has increased for dates.  Rushing rushing rushing on the weekends when he is in town to visit.  Eating though all the emotions I am having.  Happy is a good emotion to eat through.  Not getting to sleep in time so that I am rested to get up at 4:30 in the morning to hit the gym. 

Anyway...all that just to say, I have been in adjustment mode.  Trying to balance (juggle) my role as mother, self, disciple, daughter, sister, employee, girlfriend, friend and so on while meeting my physical, emotional and spiritual needs of myself and those around me.  So tonight I started by going to Excel with Keaton.  I am already starting to feel it in my legs (darn squats).  I am back on track with taking time for me.  Starting to ease into my new job, feeling secure and joyful in my personal relationship, loving my time with my littles, and reminding myself that I am so WORTH IT!!!

Here's to another start!!!!  What a great ride this will be. 

Must Work On Me

This working single momma has a hard time setting aside time for myself.  I need one hour each day.  One hour.  Do I take it from the morning?  Give up my quiet night time?  For a while I was doing quite well getting up at 4:30 a.m. and hitting the gym until 6.  Lately I am struggling just to get up at 6:30 a.m.  Focus Tara!!!  So many changes lately....some really good ones....however, still change.  Everything seems to have to adjust.....stretch, shift and find their place.....so here goes.....NO excuses!!  I am worth one hour a day.

The Butterfly

The other day my dear friend Kathy, presented each attending member at our gym class with a beautiful butterfly ornament.  Mine has found a home hanging from my rear view mirror.  The gift has had me thinking the last few days.

 

I find myself wondering what struggle the caterpillar must go through in order to emerge a butterfly.  Does it have any idea what is happening to it’s body?  Does it know of it’s own beauty?  Is it scared it may not endure the transformation.  Does it ever ask, Why?  Why must I go through this?  Why can’t I stay as I am? 

 

As I think of this amazing creature, my thoughts turn inward.  What journey must I make?  What will I be when this is complete?  I awe at the thought that if the Master can take a simple caterpillar and transform him into the magical butterfly, oh praise……what must he have in store for me!! 

 

This journey is not easy.  There are days I want to give up and give in.  There are moments the fatigue begins to let in discouragement and fear.  Yet, luckily, I am prompted to attend Keaton’s gym class with him and the instructor gives out a butterfly.  I am buoyed up.  Today is a new day.  I am able to make new choices.  Begin again.  Grateful for my challenges.  Grateful for my journey.

 

I hope you also can find strength and motivation in the story of the butterfly. 

 

 

The story of the butterfly

A man found a cocoon of a butterfly.

One day a small opening appeared.

He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours

as it struggled to squeeze its body through the tiny hole.

Then it stopped, as if it couldn't go further.

So the man decided to help the butterfly.

He took a pair of scissors and

snipped off the remaining bits of cocoon.

The butterfly emerged easily but

it had a swollen body and shriveled wings.

The man continued to watch it,

expecting that any minute the wings would enlarge

and expand enough to support the body,

Neither happened!

In fact the butterfly spent the rest of its life

crawling around.

It was never able to fly.

What the man in his kindness

and haste did not understand:

The restricting cocoon and the struggle

required by the butterfly to get through the opening

was a way of forcing the fluid from the body

into the wings so that it would be ready

for flight once that was achieved.

Sometimes struggles are exactly

what we need in our lives.

Going through life with no obstacles would cripple us.

We will not be as strong as we could have been

and we would never fly.

So have a nice day and struggle a little and teach well.

Picture Motivation

I have been in a terrible slump. I can not seem to stick to any plans I make. I have no self control. It is just pathetic. I can do better. I will do better. I remember this past summer how good I felt. I am a pretty shy person in general and when I was at my highest weight I saw it causing me to seclude myself more. When I was at my lowest in the summer I felt confident, I smiled more and was a happier person. I saw a change in myself, I opened myself up more and wasn't so worried about what people thought of me. I need to get back on track. When I am eating healthy I feel so good. When I eat crappy I have no motivation and feel terrible with zero energy. I wanted to post some pictures to show some of the results I have seen in the past year. 

These two pictures are from our trip to Hawaii last February. I seriously love that place! Magical. 

In these pictures I had lost 15 pounds..

Then by the Summer I had lost a total of 39 pounds. I can really see it in my arms. And I can tell you I felt the loss all over. It was amazing. 

A great moment was when I decided to try on my wedding dress. I got down to my wedding day weight and had to give it a try and it fit like a glove!

Well there ya go. My first personal picture post. I have a ways to go but it is great motivation to see what I have done so far.

Two big holidays are coming up, Christmas and New Years. These holidays usually involve lots of food and goodies. I am making a goal to not over do it. Control my portions and stay within my allowed calories for the day. I can do this!!

Week one Progress

Studying for tomorrow's final and nursing a sick baby back to health (on top of dance, work, math night at school, family home eveing, housework) has kept me from posting. But wanted to report that on Monday I weighed in at 270.8. Down 4 lbs. Doesn't seem like much but awfully better than gaining 4.

And can some one tell me why if I gain 4 lbs I can feel it in my clothes and see it on my body but when I lose 4, I dont think my clothes feel better or see it leave my body?  Just doesn't seem right does it?????


Still diligent. Avoiding triggers. Working out each day somehow, some way. Need to work on getting necessary rest.

Friday, I have been asigned to take treats to work for the 12 days of Christmas.  Can you believe that....really, a full twelve days that I get to fight my obsessions, deal with triggers and resist such beautiful things that my coworkers will bring in.  What do you suggest?  Low calorie or Low carb....low sugar?

Enjoy the journey!!

Saturday- Ready, Set, Go

I won't be weighing myself today.  Last night we attended my sister's Christmas party at the church for kids.  They served pizza, chips, fresh veggies and a slew of cookies and candy.  I indulged in a few cookies and caramel chocolates.  I really have to learn how to handle eating in a group setting.  I get anxiety even.  More on that another time.

Today I am starting the day with yoga.  I love the way I feel centered, restored and energized after a great yoga session.  Olaya is still asleep so maybe I can actually finish the entire routine.  After that, today we have Bountiful Basket pickup, Belle will be performing at the festival of trees, I have to isolate myself at the computer lab on campus to catch up on some paper writing and then hopefully make it to the gym in the evening for a elliptical cardio workout.  After that I would like to play Just Dance 2 with the kids for our family time.  Really just want to cuddle up with a Christmas movie and snuggle my little bugs.  Maybe we will save that for tomorrow after church.

Keeping up the energy is key today.  Hope everyone gets a chance to take care of you today.

Motivation Quickie

Not much time to write tonight.  Had my grad class and I am spent.  But just wanted to put up a motivation for tomorrow.  I have been thinking about this as I wake up.  When I don't make it to the gym all I have gained is one hour of sleep and a lot of negative self talk. I know Avril and I grumble as we walk in the gym but we are crazy happy as we walk out.