Cloak of Darkness

In the darkness I took my fist steps.  Music pumping in my ears.  Dog by my side.  No one else on the track.  I started out.  One walking lap to warm up at first.  The idea was to use Friday as a measuring stick.  I was to run without direction from my 5K trainer app.  Just run.  Run as far as I could with out stopping.  Then next week, after training more, try it again. 

Honestly, I thought I would stop after the first lap.  To date, the longest I have ran was for 1.5 minutes at a time and even that was difficult.  With the darkness hiding me from ....well....everything and everyone, I began.  My run is slow.  Possibly slower than most people walking.  I dont' care.  I was running.  Not because my app told me to.  Not because the person next to me was running (there wasn't anyone there).  I ran because I told my body to do it.

I got around the first lap and was ready to walk again when I thought just keep going.  One lap alone would have been an accomplishment.  I could have gone home happy just for that. Then I told myself to  see how far I can get before I quit.  As I neared the end of running the second lap (third lap total) I thought, well, might as well keep on going and complete a mile including the walking lap.  Then, as I finished running my third lap I thought if I did one. more. lap. I would have ran a full mile.  I continued. 

I don't really know how I did it.  Why was running only two days before difficult after only 90 seconds?  Why was I able to do it hidden from the world?  After I completed the first mile of running (5 laps total), I walked one full lap.  Then I ran four laps, walked one and finished with a two lap finish to the end.  I could have kept going.  During the last two laps "Without You" started playing on my headphones.  How INSPIRED!

I can't win, I can't reign
I will never win this game
Without you, without you
I am lost, I am vain,
I will never be the same
Without you, without you
I won't run, I won't fly
I will never make it by
Without you, without you
I can't rest, I can't fight
All I need is you and I
Without you
Without you
Oh, oh, oh!
You! You! You!
WithoutYou! 
You! You!
Without you
Can't erase, so I'll take blame
But I can't accept that we're estranged
Without you, without you
I can't quit now, this can't be right
I can't take one more sleepless night
Without you, without you
I won't soar, I won't climb
If you're not here, I'm paralyzed
Without you, without you
I can't look, I'm so blind
I lost my heart, I lost my mind
Without you
Without you
Oh, oh, oh!
You! You! You!
WithoutYou! 
You! You!
Without you
I am lost, I am vain,
I will never be the same
Without you, without you
Without you

As I pushed through the final two laps, these words resonated with me as I gave thanks to Him for always being by my side.  He has never abandoned me.  In the moments I feel completely unlovable, unworthy and broken, He has been steadfast.  He is there when I feel strong, peaceful and capable. 

I felt so good finishing three miles that I did one extra lap for good measure.

When it was all done I thought of who I wanted to share my success with.  Who would cheer me on?  Here I am, telling you, a faceless reader that someone stumbled on this page.  I don't know who you are or why you are here.  I do know we all have little victories every day.  Each one of us needs a cheering section.  Someone to whom we can say, "Hey, look at me, I count.  Look what I did!!!  Love me!"  So whoever you are, thank you.  I may never get to put a face to you, but I know you are there.  I know we are all in this together.  We make this journey side by side with more similarities than there are differences.

What joys do you want to celebrate today?  What pieces of your life do you want someone to hold you through?

I am here.

WOO HOO to non scale victories!!!