FYI

In the spirit of sharing tips so that others do not suffer from the same mistakes I make, I want to provide the following.

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT wear panties with lace trim to go running when your thighs rub together (I don't know if this will be different if your thighs don't rub together).

Need I say more?????

Tonight was body pump and yoga at the gym and then a 2.5 mile stroll around the track (Sean so happy to have run into you on the track.....disregard that I was slightly checking you out until I realized it was you.)

Day four of abstinence-completely on plan.

Today was also my first session with an addiction counselor. We will call him Trent, cause well, that is his name. The session went well. Hard to bring someone all the way up to speed in under an hour. Not hard, impossible. However, nothing I said made him flinch so I think we are doing good and I did try to get the tough stuff out there. My way is to puke my guts out on someone and then sort through them later. He accepted it. The sorting will begin in two weeks after business trip and then family trip.

I keep seeing this on facebook.  Every day for the last week or so.  I don't have a link to give credit to.  Each time I see it I think of all the times I have walked away from various events, things, people, when it got hard.  I don't want to do that.  But also, the changes I am making today are hard, even painful.  I am aware there are those that would rather sit back and wait to see the final product and then decide to step up......not going to happen.  Each day I celebrate the little victories and the vast number of people it takes to get me there. The longer I am at this (life), the more I realize we are all in this together.  Thanks for sharing this journey with me. 

Goodnight all!!! This girls is wiped out.

Weigh In Wednesday

I know you all have waited all day with bated breath (I will have you know I had to look up bated, wasn't sure of the spelling) to find out what my results are for today (or at least the three of you that read this blog...it could be two now because my boyfriend and I are taking a break - don't ask....I don't even exactly know how to explain it).  So let me start by saying, I have been hovering around the same weight for the last month (at least).  I have gone up three and then back down, up one and then again back down but never could I break this threshold..........until today!!!

Starting highest weight 279

Current weight..............257..........I am having a party in my head, if nothing else.

Total weight loss to date: 22 lbs 

Tonight I celebrated my little victory by attending Body Combat (LOVE IT!!!!) and then working on my 5k trainer on the treadmill at the gym. SIDE NOTE: I run further, faster at the track, outdoors.  I must not push myself hard enough on the treadmill, afraid I am going to mis-step and go flying off the back of the thing while my hair gets caught in the belt ripping my one nice feature off my head.  That won't be a pretty sight for anyone.  Well, unless you are a hater and then you might get some enjoyment watching me take a tumble.

So I was a little happy with the sweat down the back of my shirt after my two hour gym time. Yes, surprisingly I did take a picture strictly of my backside (WHAT HAS COME OVER ME??)

And a quick shot of the front side.  Can I just say at that very moment, with all the endorphins sailing through me, I was a happy girl.  I think you can see it.  Look close....right in the eyes you can see it.

The success of the night would not have happened where it not for Jennifer my instructor for Body Combat.  SHE ROCKS!!! Her energy is contagious.  She is absolutely an inspiration up there being all pregnant.  Tonight, during our final 194 (NOT EXAGGERATING) alternating punches, I felt this warm rush start at the top of my body, making its way down to my toes and then back up, only finally leaving through my tear ducts.  This is a welcome feeling......I can only imagine what it looks like to others.  It still surprises me when it happens.  Always when I feel strong.  When I am absolutely pushing my body when it is screaming, "I have had enough!!"  And I ask it to give more.  I am not exactly sure what I was cleansing.  However, if felt invigorating and apparently my body needed it done.

In other news....as I finished up my 5k trainer and 3 mile walk/run (9 miles down for the week) instead of just listening to music, I started Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead through Netflix on my iPhone.  I only saw the first 20 minutes.  Let me tell you I can't wait to watch the rest. Couple things of note:

1. Day one of his fast, his Dr tells him permanent results only come from permanent changes.....(good point)
2. As he started his fast the first three days all he wanted to do was hide in bed.....not due to lack of energy but the emotional strain of not eating and not doing as everyone else, is just so powerful.....(I feel ya, I am on day three of abstinence and I just want to avoid everyone as I try to find my way in eating only foods on my food plan, mainly lean protein, fruits and vegetables.....nothing processed....no kidding my plan is really that simple/hard)
3. As much as I don't want to juice everything, his apple juice looked divine

Folks (the two of you that now read this), I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.  I made it through one day.  I am joyful over the friends and family that are making this journey with me.  I applaud all those making little changes every day to live healthier, happier lives.  I am grateful for those that answer my call when I reach out in a moment of weakness.  Mostly, I am grateful for the knowledge that there is a power greater than myself that can make me whole.  Through this power I can find peace.  Thanks everyone that makes this journey with me.  Couldn't do it without you!!!

What did you do to take care of you today?  Any successes you want applauded??

Just a closing thought

Found here

Sort of nice since we are going into summer......there is something within me......within all of us.

One Day Closer

Today, one step closer to my week goals.  I did go to bed on time last night but found myself awake at 3:30 a.m. unable to get back to sleep (that sucks).  My alarm went off just as I was dosing off.  The voices were telling me to get up but I just couldn't and I am pretty sure the gravitational pull was extra strong directly under my bed right at that moment.  I decided I would have to make up for it by going to the gym after work....which I did.

Meet Steph.......

notice my Hunger Games shirt...I love it.

she is one of the great Body Pump instructors at the gym.  I LOVE when she teaches.  The routines are all the same but she just adds something extra.  Ten minutes into class I was dripping sweat.  Not just a line of perspiration along my forehead.  We are talking it was dripping off my brow as I changed weights on my bar, as we did squats it was drenching the back of my shirt. LOVE IT!!!

From there I zipped over to the middle school track to meet up with my sister and two friends.  Three miles closer to my 15 for the week.....6 down.  It was hard to run tonight after doing all the squats and lunges.  Did it anyway.  My goal is to be able to run the full 5k at the color run in Boise for my birthday in August. 

After this picture I can't help but think of this quote I keep seeing on pinterest

found here

I am thinking tonight I trained hard enough!!!!!!!

In food news.....I have completely been on plan the last two days.  Two days of abstinence.  Can I get A WOOT WOOT!!!???  Already I feel the food cravings leaving.  My focus is coming back. 

And one thing I noticed in gym class tonight.....when it is time to so the standing quad stretch...I no longer have to hold something stationary to get my balance.  I can do them free standing.....Does that deserve another WOOT WOOT!!!????

Small changes yield big results.........

then just as I am working on my fitness goals....I am always focused on recovery.....as I meditate tonight these two thoughts will be in my mind.......

I feel this is true even after only two days of abstinence.

Both Found Here

Looking forward tomorrow's weigh in.  I am not so much concerned with the number on the scale as I am joyful for being good to my body and my soul the last few days.

Drug of Choice

Three miles down and twelve to go to reach one of my goals for the week.  Tonight I took the girls over to the middle school to run on the track.  I figure I might as well get them started with walking and running now.  At the park, the kids just want to go play on the toys.  This was great.  The girls went around with me while I did my 5 minute walking warm up and then as I ran/walked they were around me off and on.  After a few laps they  just played in the grass. 

I don't know how many apps can run on an iPhone at one time.  This was a first for me.  I started Pandora with pop fitness radio.  Next started my 5k trainer.  Then opened mapmywalk to track my time and distance.  I cut my 20 minute walk down to 14 for the first mile.  I think that is pretty good (for me).  Overall I did 3.07 mi in 48:26 with a 15:47 min/mile pace. 

Well it is off to bed for me.  I have Body Pump at 5:30 tomorrow morning at the gym and I want to get in 30 min on the elliptical before class.

What a wonderful day!!  Actually is wasn't.  I was in my head all day.  However after getting out this evening, hitting the track and letting it all go.....WOW.....what a drug.  I feel good.  I think I want to do that again tomorrow.

Tara

Found Here

This totally makes me laugh. 

 There was a time I would say the only way anyone would catch me running

 meant there was someone close by chasing me with a hatchet.

Not the case today.

Some changes are good, very good.

For Today & Week Goals

Found Here

Each day when I read from my OA literature, I am still pleasantly surprised at how "right on" the thought for the day is.  Today my reading was this:

As for the future, your task is not to foresee, but to enable it.  Antoine de Saint-Exupery

The way I plan for the future today is different from the way dictated by my compulsive overearter thinking.  In those days I had things backward,  I incessantly planned the outcome, but I was paralysed when it came to taking the action.  Today I am willing to do the footwork.  I ask God for the courage to look for and accept my defects and the willingness to ask for their removal.

That is my task as far as my future is concerned.  I change myself in order to live at peace with whatever the future brings, not to decide what the future will be.

For today:  As wishful thinking and day dreaming become less frequent, I know I am recovering. 

 I am grateful for these thoughts today.  I find myself often planning into the distant future while not able to make it through the current hour without fear and panic.  This goes along with part of the discussion at my latest OA meeting.  There was some focus on acting not reacting to life.  I do need to act more.  This is hard when things come at me from what seems like nowhere.  I get thrown off balance and panic for a moment to find my footing.  Have you ever faced a conversation and as the other person spoke, you could feel the air in the room abandon you?  Your arms start reaching out, eyes closed.  Well, when those moments happen I have to learn how to act.My natural tendency is to reach out for old comforts.  Not being alone.  Calling a man.  Calling on my female friends.  Getting in the company of others.  Which being with others is not bad if is not as an escape to being alone with myself.

Which brings me back to the thought for today.  I can easily see being with others in my future, maybe even sharing my life with someone.  I just don't know how to get through today on my own......or I do know how.....I just need to feel it out.  Not be paralysed with fear, which I am not (most of the time).  I need to be comfortable being alone at times.  My nature is to surround myself with people I love.  So for the next little while I am working on asking my Father to give me the courage to accept my defects and ask for their removal.  I know that through him I will be made strong/whole.  In seeking solitude, I must find peace with being alone.

In other news:

I am doing well getting back to abstinence.  My head is back in it.  My goals for the week are:

• Attend minimum of three (shooting for five) early morning workouts at Gold's
• Attend body combat once during the week (evening class)
• Drink gallon of water a day
• Walk a minimum of 15 miles this week -translation 5, 3 miles walks
• Eat all my vegetables in my plan
• Meditate for 10 minutes every day (this one will be hard)
• Not act out with food or other behaviors when things get hard
• To bed before 9:30 every night (in order to make my 4:30 wake up)

With today being a Monday holiday I have my work cut out for me the rest of the week.  Preparing for a work trip to Boise most of next week and then family vacation.  I really want to establish healthy patterns now for when I am awayfrom home.

City Creek, Saturday Morning Tradition & OA

Saturday mornings are starting to be my favorite part of the week.  Over a year ago, my dear friend Kathy, invited me to hike City Creek with her.  This is a local trail for mountain biking, hiking, horses ad really anything non motorized.  The part of the trail we walk is roughly three miles up and back.  We are lucky in Southeastern Idaho to have this in our backyard....seriously right in our back yard.  It has become a great way for my family to start the weeeknd together and with healthy choices. 

Next trip up I will take pictures of the trail.  Each time we joke that we need to one day stop and really enjoy all that the trail has to offer.  For now we are there to beat last weeks time and push ourselves to the top.

This week I tried to stay near the front of the group, my sister Maria, my sister Sharen and my brother Sean.  I really did try.  Didn't want to be at the back hearing the voice in my head saying, "Why can't you walk as fast as Sharen", "Maria makes it look so effortless", "Gosh Tara, you are breathing heavy".  Trying to quiet the negative voices in my head is a greater workout than actually walking up the trail.

I will say I pushed as far as I could (which incidentally turned out to be the last bend before the little turn at the top), only dropping out of my second position to the last and not actually stopping the walk.  I was sad when I realized the top was only tens of feet away.  I could have made it all the way this time without taking a break.  It's OK though.  Something to shoot for next week.  By the time we reached the top my calves were on fire.  Yikes!!! (As I sit at my desk typing, I can feel them aching even now....that's good right?!)

With Sharen leading the way we did not stop at the top.  She kept right on going.  I guess that is good.  And then it started.  The downhill run.  I don't know how it is easier for me.  I can barely run a tenth of a mile around the track but I can run 1.5 miles down the trail.  I figure gravity is pulling on my anyway, might as well put it to good use.  Oh my goodness, does it feel great.  It doesn't hurt, really.  We all spread out, me at the back.  It is now that I feel alive.  Running, or my version of running, for I am probably walking fast. I feel my lungs fill with air.  I feel my heart beat faster and harder.  I feel the perspiration on my back through my sweatshirt.  I feel the cadence of my feet upon the dirt, the earth.  It is now I understand why people like to run.  One day I hope to be one of them.  One day I hope to take my run, hidden behind the trees, to open view.

What a great way to start the weekend.  What a great way to take care of me.  Great to share it with my sisters and brother.

Me and Maria. Still red from the run.
Sharen wouldn't join in the picture.
Maybe next time.
I love my sisters and the example they are to me!!!

My 13 year old brother, Sean.
You rock Sean.
Thanks for joining us.

After the run, I stopped by Excel Weight loss Solutions for Zumba but found only a handyman working in the room (HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT).  Went home and did yoga off Netflix with my girl Belle until 10:00 a.m. when he had to go pick up our Bountiful Basket.  From there I made a veggie omelet using 3 eggs, one tomato, half green pepper, cilantro and a tossing of cheese.  I ate half for breakfast.  Then shower and get ready for Overeaters Anonymous.

Today's meeting only had three of us in it.  However it was a great meeting.  These meetings fuel me.  They help me remember what I am trying to do and why.  Remind me to be gentle with myself but to actively work towards abstinence and recovery.  I left there at 1:00 p.m. feeling refocused.

I do realize I need a sponsor for OA.  Our group in small and young in success.  None of us have many days behind us.  So that is my next effort....to find an OA sponsor.  I can start asking on the phone call meetings.  I would prefer someone local that I can see face to face but at this point having any sponsor is better than not having one at all. 

So that is where I am with my Saturday.  Hoping to visit the Field of Heroes but the raining is coming down quite hard outside.  Later this evening the girls and I are going to visit the Lava Hot Pools. 

Thinking of all those that have sacrificed so much for my freedom.  Grateful to enjoy this weekend with my girls.

Until next time,

Tara

Bountiful Baskets

In an effort to save money and eat better I have gotten back with ordering my produce from Bountiful Baskets.  This week was not the most bountiful of baskets.....still great though.


This week brought
7 oranges
9 small apples
2 artichokes
6 small peaches
5 tomatoes
6 carrots
5 bananas
1 cantaloupe
7 ears of corn
3 orange bell peppers
1 head of lettuce


All for $15.  Do you think I could have done better at the store this week?

Nothing exotic. I still need to learn how to steam artichokes. I also got a flat of blackberries.

Gonna hit the web to see what non sugar things I can make with these. 



Happy Saturday everyone.