Sunday, July 15, 2012

Never As Good As The Fantasy

We all have them.  That thing that we either see, smell, taste or touch that sends us to this place in our brain where everything is good.  We think that if we could have that one thing, then all would be made right.  Many people have a sexual fantasy, whatever it may be. They say to themselves, "If only I could.........(you fill in the blank).........then that would be living!!!" 

I have them as well.  Only my fantasy doesn't involve sex, it involves food (yeah, go figure).  For the past 6 months I have been secretly eyeing my fantasy through Costco.  You see, I have been fantasizing about sharing a quiet (no kids), dark (no witnesses) night with a bowl of defrosted, perfectly welcoming, Costco creme puffs.

 (Welcome to my crazy) When I pass the aisle where the creme puffs are stocked, my heart starts to race.  My mouth salivates.  A big smile spreads across my face as I think of the beautiful perfection in the pastry custard concoction.  I dream of the sweetness I will find as I place one in my mouth, allowing the custard to burst forth from the dough. 

Up til now I have kept my desire for a creme puff completely in my head.  Wednesday, that all changed.

Picture 21 days of abstinence from wheat and sugar.  Picture me at the company picnic.  Thinking I was planning ahead, I brought cut watermelon to insure there was something for me to eat at this picnic.  I never touched the watermelon now that I think about it. 

As we wait for the rest of the office to arrive, I notice a box of creme puffs sitting on the table nearest me.  A co-worker suggested we start with desert.  Thoughts of indulging in my long standing fantasy began flooding my every sense. 

I took one.  Placed it in my mouth. YUCK! was my first thought.  It was waxy, heavy, bland.  I closed my mouth around it, expecting the beautiful custard to be joyful.  Nope.  Nothing.  It barely had any taste. Then I panicked.  This must be because I haven't eaten refined sugar in 21 days.  I took another.  Nothing.  They were both awful. It is a sad day to learn all that mental energy was forfeited for a failure.

Normally, I would have seen this moment as complete failure.  Wasn't the case this time.  Instead, I used it as a learning/growth moment.  I didn't allow the negative thoughts to begin, consuming my every thought (which could have led to a month long binge).  After the creme puff, my thoughts went to the fresh raspberries in my fridge at home.  Now that is a sweet treat.  When I pop a raspberry in my mouth the flavor bursts and my tongue tingles from the sweetness. 
I learned, eating whole clean food is truly the best thing for my mind, body and spirit.  The flavor is real.  The emotions associated with a raspberry lead to healthy pleasant thoughts.  Even looking at the pictures of raspberries next to the creme puff, makes me wonder what was I possibly thinking.

I learned that a fantasy is just that, a created world that does not exist.  I had imagined a food that was going to bring me all these wonderful sensations.  The reality was nothing like that.  It did not fulfill a single belief I held.  Which from what I hear about fantasies, the real thing never measures up.  I had made eating a creme puff so big in my head that when I actually had one, disappointment was all I felt.

Lesson learned. Moved on.

Saturday, while at a movie, I took fresh cherries to snack on.  No sour patch kid fantasies for this girl.  Fresh is best.  And back to whole clean eating.

What is your experience with food fantasies?  What foods do you dream of eating but know they aren't good for your body?  How do you balance that?

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