Reset

1.	to set again (a broken bone, matter in type, a gemstone, etc)
2.	to restore (a gauge, dial, etc) to zero
3.	Also: clear to restore Today is a reset day for me.  I am not going to punish myself for the choices I made yesterday.  The pain and anguish I experienced last night was enough.  With my children out of the home with their respective fathers', I had a planned binge.  My every intention was to spend my time alone at the gym, treating my body to a healthy expression of love.  Instead, I felt alone, scared and inadequate.  Not that I ate my way through the entire night.  I didn't.  I ordered a hamburger meal from McDonald's.  Thought giving myself permission to french fries and a soda was a reward for not breaking down at seeing the girls dad for the first time in 9 months.  I felt peace as I watched Olaya sit on his lap lovingly calling him dad.....this man she has only met a handful of times over her entire two year life time.  I didn't break down.  My heart didn't hurt.  I was filled with forgiveness at the witness of the scene of her cuddled up to him.  I watched Belle share her memories of her recent dance competition.  I watched her jump and dance around at the excitement of having her very own in the flesh dad close enough to touch.  I watched out the window as they all played on the trampoline.....their laughter music to my ears. So I "celebrated" with my trusted friend.  My friend that would understand the surprise at my reaction to his visit.  My friend that would numb me from feeling the memory of broken promises rise up inside.  My friend that would tell me I am enough for my girls.  My friend that would tell me I will not be alone forever. Only problem is that trusted friend......not so trusted anymore.  Didn't give me what I needed this time.  Instead I felt guilt.  I felt shame.  I felt regret.  Just from eating a hamburger, large fry and a few sips of my drink, my stomach physically hurt all night.  My body reacted with rejection of what I put in it.  I tried to tell it to remember how great those foods were, how good they felt feeding my needs.  No.  Not going to have it.  I hurt.  I hurt emotionally.  I hurt physically.  I woke through the night in discomfort. So, with a little forgiveness and a touch of humility, I woke with the knowledge that today is a new day.  Today is a day to begin again.  To love who I am.  To be grateful my girls have this time with their dad.  To be grateful Olaya has taken to her father as if they have never been apart.  It reminds me of the time Belle was away from me for 6 months before I could adopt her.  When we were reunited it was as if no time had ever past.  She was mine and I was hers.  I can only imagine it is the same for Olaya and Betz.  They are a part of each other.  That bond can never be broken.  I can not wish for it to be any different.

Today, with the sun radiating, I walked, I talked, I ran.  My mom and my sister were there.  My friend Kathy was on the trail as well.  I prayed, asking for a new start.  A reset my journey.  We walked up the trail ..........

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500 m

2000 ft

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4630 ft Start Elev

4967.0 ft Max Elev

338.0 ft Gain

1

CATEGORY 4 CLIMB

There are 1 Cat 4 climbs on this route. Cat 4 are the 5th hardest in the rating spectrum. More Details »

For any climb to be rated (receive a climb score/category) it must be at least 500 meters in length with an average grade of 3% or more. All climb scores are based on distance, grade/elevation change, and maximum elevation. More Details »

Description of this Walk

This is a 1.4 mi Walk in Pocatello, ID. The Walk has a total ascent of 337.93 ft and has a maximum elevation of 4,967.19 ft. The route was mapped on 05/12/2012.  1.4 mile walk.

Top of our City Creek walk.  I love these women.

......Then I decided to run back down.  Sharen out paced me.  I can handle that.  I realize going down is not quite as hard of a run....I did it though.  The entire way down.  IT COUNTS!!!  And it felt good.  I felt free.  I felt my body responding to my requests.  I felt my heart beat hard and fast.  I felt the sweat around my neck and down my back.

Then I started thinking....celebrate......this is a celebration.  Moving my body is a celebration. Filling it with processed, high calorie crap is a death sentence, a punishment.  I felt the sun on my face. The warmth of HIS love.  Life is good.  Life is really good.  Today I celebrate.

So.....today.....I reset.  I begin again.

Thanks Mom and Sharen for taking that walk with me.  I hope we all can take the time to do what we need to clear the path, restart, begin again.  Forgive yourself for the harsh thoughts and bad choices. 

Here is to one day at a time.

All my love......Tara

P.S.  I have to figure out how to share the walk route on here.....didn't turn out how I wanted.....hmmmmm